I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
from now on my penis is your penis
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
