yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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