now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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