EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
