i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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