tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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