Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
