I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
