Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
