ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
