tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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