He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
