wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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