I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
