don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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