its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
