girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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