You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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