I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
