The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize