Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i would punch a child for taco bell
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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