I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize