I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
