Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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