I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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