I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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