I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just pee around me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
