Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He passed out mid-signature
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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