Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
