So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
