you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
