Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize