So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
