i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
