She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
