You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
