If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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