i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
