i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
