I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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