Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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