im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
