The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
