I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
