This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
