the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
