I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
