.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
