Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
