We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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