There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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