Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize