She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
