haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
