i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
