Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
