you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
