i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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