I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
