I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
