if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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