My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
