Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
