To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
