I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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