weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
