I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
