Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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