and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm like, not good at living.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
