Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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