dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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