My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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