Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
