So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
