The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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