my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize