Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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