You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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