If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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