I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
