Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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