The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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