Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
