well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
