I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
