life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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