HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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