just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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